plaxico: family comes first

So Burress is back and quoting

"My family is my first priority. It doesn't matter how people look at me."

Okeeeee....

It's ok, Plax, I like to smack my bitch up too & then take my kids to the park.

Priorities, man.

point spreads

point spreads are bullshit. bullshit i say.

let's take a look at what's coming down for week 6.

new orleans is favored 7.5 over the raiders? are you kidding me? that's going to be atleast a 15 point game. don't these people understand that god hates the raiders more than lane kiffin hates al davis? 7.5 - what a fucking joke.

indy over baltimore by 4.5. ok. this one sits all right with me, the colts have been struggling and although baltimore is bad, the colts lost to the bears. so 4.5 with home field advantage, i guess i'm ok with.

the jets are favored by 6 over cincinatti. the cincinatti bengals who are the equivalent of last year's miami team. and the jets are coming off of a restful bye week after a 56 point game the week before. 56 points. which was 21 points more than the other guys. and these point spread predictors are giving them 6 points over the bengals? that just makes me laugh. morons.

ok, so it's only a point and a half, but why WHY is TB favored over carolina? just.... why?

minnesota gets 13.5 over detroit. on this i'll agree. on one hand you've got adrian peterson. on the other hand you've got the 0-5 lions. oops, i mean 0-4. for now.

chicago has 2.5 at home over atlanta. as much as i hate that dogfucker ron mexico and the entire atlanta falcons operation and the entire city of atlanta as well, i hope they overcome the 2.5 deficit to kick the crap out of the bears in their stupid looking spaceship stadium. on another note: BRING BACK GROSSMAN.

the 0-4 texans get 3 points over the 2-2 dolphins? /scratches head

not sure whether i'm scratching my head over the 3 points or the 2-2 dolphins...

13.5 for washington over the rams. i think it will be 13.5 if only half the redskins play throughout the whole game. 13.5? really? does anyone realize just how well the redskins are playing? does anyone realize what a fucking joke the rams are? 13.5? puhlease.

philly over san fran. 5 points. sounds sane. i'll take it.

i think the cowboys will come out over the 5 points they've been given if two things happen: romo stops throwing interceptions like a girl & if matt leinart does beer bongs with throngs of half naked girls saturday night. and although i know he is dirty and diseased to the max, i wouldn't mind being one of those girls. i'm just saying.

ok seattle's at home, so i get the 2 points. but green bay is a game up on them. and aaron rodgers is dirrty hot. let's call this one a draw.

san diego gets 6 at home over the fucking pats. i'm hopeful, but i don't think this is realistic. i'm not betting on this game. i'm not evevn getting close. but i am going to be cheering my hot ass off for rivers and LT.

giants get 8 over cleveland. fuck. these point spreaders are totally right on this one and it sucks. S.U.C.K.S. what needs to happen is for cleveland to put in brady quinn to distract eli. eli will be all like "oooh a new toy! mommy, can i have it?" mommy says no, you have to play football. eli cries like a bitch and can't see through all the tears and snot to complete any passes.

well, that's what i'd like to see anyway.

see you all on sunday!

nfl week 5

what i did: loaded up the wild will, drove into the city and got loaded at jaysie's watching FOOTBALL. grr

so we started the morning (11 am) with wonderful turkey bacon and cheese sammys. that's "turkey bacon", not turkey comma bacon.

the BOMB.

next it was a couple of beers and the early games...

on her big tv we watched as peyton just barely pulled it off. wtf is up with this team? at one point had a 17 point deficit to the 0-3 texans? the colts need to get their shit together STAT.

on our little tv, we watched the bears beat detroit. no surprise there. just forced me to yell out another big BOOO. bring back grossman!

on the iPhone, we watched the greenbay show up without a defense to get kicked in the nuts by the atlanta falcons, who are all shitheads and will forever be hated by me because of friggin michael vick, aka ron mexico.

at this point in the day, we moved on to vodka tonics. got switch it up for the 3 o'clock games.

midafternoon, we watched half in horror as jaysie's cowboys nearly lost it to the bengals. who loses to the bengals? my god, jaysie and i could go out and beat the bengals ourselves. blindfolded. and drunk (which most of the bengals are too). romo played like crap and t.o. is getting shitty that nobody ever gives the ball to him anymore. another couple games like this and i think we'll have to put t.o. back on suicide watch.

tampa and denver's only appeal was to watch the geriatric qb's battle it out. greise ended up hobbling back to the nursing home first. denver won, i think (i was drunk), but really who cares about 2 really mediocre teams from places no one wants to vacation let alone live in.

the steelers game was dissappointing. i was expecting a blow out over the jaguars. but by this time, we were at a bar doing shots of whiskey. i was no longer invested in football.

there was IMHO an unfortunate win for both the pats and the giants. i hate both of those fuckers. and a dissappointing loss for the eagles. donavan mcnabb is so hot.

i'll post again when the spreads come out for week 6 or if i get drunk and naughty between then and now.

anything you can do i can do better

In the spirit of usurping all my sister's glory, I too, have become a blogger. Instead of stupid adventures chronicling her children, I have a much much much more important message to spread unto the world.

FOOTBALL. And martini's and mani/pedis.

Stay tuned for my recap of week five in the NFL.